Seeking Wisdom

It has been almost a month since I've written anything.  It seems like I should be full of informative tidbits about this whole chasing-50 theme, but honestly...I don't. 

I am no more prepared for this day mentally than my parents were to take me home after I was born.

My rational mind knows it won't be all that different, but my irrational self begins to get a bit pensive and even nervous about what this next decade holds.  I don't want to think of myself as old and I do believe it is largely a state of mind, but I do want to think of myself as wise and in my case they go hand in hand.

I just don't think I was willing to take the time to be wise in my 20's and even my 30's because I was too immersed in having fun and living fully.  That didn't leave much room for wisdom or personal growth.  But with 50 right around the corner, I feel compelled to be seeking wisdom in any and all areas of my life. 

I guess we'll see what wisdom lurks beyond that magic number, and hopefully I'll have more thoughts to share.

Motivational Leaker

No you didn't misread it.  I am NOT a motivation speaker...I AM a motivation leaker.  I am apparently leaking motivation like a bad oil leak and it could be leading to some engine problems.

I know there are things I SHOULD  be doing...but alas, I cannot get myself motivated enough to do them.  I think it becomes overwhelming when I begin thinking of the many things I want to do but just don't get done:

1.  Write something every single day.
2.  Work on my Art Journal.
3.  Send cards/letters to friends/family/church peeps.
4.  Get ahead on church curriculum.
5.  Focus on a diet that works and lose some excess weight.
6.  Work again on organizing our space.
7.  Work towards having an art space in one of the Craft Malls.
8.  Be a better mentor.
...and the list goes on.

I have gotten a few things done.  I finally started a page on Etsy to sell some crafts/artwork.  That was a huge step for me.  So far, just site visits but I do need to do some work with marketing it on FB, Twitter, etc. 

The husband and I have also determined to complete the Foster Parent orientation coursework so we can take on foster children in the not so distant future.  I'm really looking forward to this new venture, but I am also a tad scared by the level of responsibility.  I mean it's one thing if it's your own child, but when you have been given the honor of caring for someone else's child...WOW!  I cannot imagine how overwhelming that is.

I'm prayerful that this leak will stop and I can start checking things off my list.  In the meantime, I will do what I can and press on.

:) Chasing 50 day by day...

Time Flies

Ever since last November, I've been contemplating all the things I want to get done.  I have lists jotted here and there and dreams that don't make it to paper and just simple thoughts that are incomplete. 

Now that it's already July (and not even the first of July), I feel November creeping up much quicker than I could have ever imagined.  This November I will turn 50 and it's daunting...not the number, but the unrealized dreams and the incomplete projects.  The number has never bothered me and while the 30th birthday was a tough one, the 40's were surprisingly wonderful! 

I have gained wisdom and a level of observation that surpassed even my own expectations.  I have not; however, filled that God-Shaped-Hole that literally leaves this sense of longing and emptiness most days.  The closer November gets, the less motivated I feel and the fuller the feeling of failure looms overhead.

Not sure how to get my ideas and dreams from paper to reality and feeling the faith-lack in the God-shaped-hole area.

So...what AM I doing?  Well I am praying and meditating on the Word.  I am asking God to give me the desire and renew my gifts so that I can once again find and fulfill these purposes I was created for. 

And so I start another blog on my writing journey and this one is truly CHASING 50!

Oh and if you find yourself with a ton of free time and are just curious about the journey through the 40's...check it out at my original blog "Can You Hear Me Now?"